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Why haven’t I been able to sleep all week? I have work in two hours and I haven’t slept one minute the whole night. Sleep is the best part of my day, I really can’t deal with this much longer.

I can’t sleep, my mind is wide awake and driving me crazy. I just want to fall asleep and become unaware (enough) of my thoughts and existence. I spend most days looking forward to disappearing under my covers and to going back to sleep; and when I need it most my mind likes to drag me along, exploring places I have no interest in and no care for.


So many things serve as obstacles in my way. They loom on my horizon like threatening ships, creeping ever inward. Somehow I am stuck, unable to escape them. I am unable to remove myself from this couch and fight them off. I feel as if I will eternally remain in this cold room alone. And although I will soon collide with my obstacles, and continue to, and though I will move from my place on this couch, every room I enter will be this one; unfamiliar, uninviting, cold. And I will forever drift through this series of same rooms alone, with no one to guide me. 
I have no interest in guiding myself. Indifference towards everything has manifested itself within me like a plague I will only escape in death. In my mind I will forever be fixed to this couch, as my life stacks up around me. Growing mountains of cares I’ll disregard, surrounding me and enveloping me in total isolation.

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